i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
then he tried to convert me to islam
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
