Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize