Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
we're so committed to being not committed
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
