I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
