I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
This house was built for laser tag.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
