Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
