She's JV to your varsity
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I have fence marks all over my body
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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