i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
