i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
