God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
