yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
