One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
