i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
