I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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