I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
