I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
