So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
