"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
