what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
