pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
sex in a hospital.. check
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
