I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize