You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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