Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
