she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
