smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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