He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
