Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
