ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
