I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
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im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
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Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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