Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
there is glitter all over my balls
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