Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Can't talk, ducks in the car
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
