He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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