Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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