some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
