Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
