im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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