Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
