paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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