dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
