I have demons in me.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
