yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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