Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
