I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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