so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
