i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
3 2 1 whiskey
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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