i always forget guys have bellybuttons
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
