It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
