Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
