we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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