I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize