It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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