He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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