she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
