I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
