Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
