i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
