just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
