Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
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