Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
