I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
