Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
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I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
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New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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