I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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