hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
