Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
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You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
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You are the jesus of drinking
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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